What are your ambitions? What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to/detracts from your ambitions? Can you eliminate it?
I don’t really have ambitions. I have wants. Sort of slow burning melancholy desires. I have wistful hankerings. But a motivating passion to achieve something? I don’t do this so well.
I want to publish a book. I want to write a novel and send it to someone with pub cred and have them pay me to publish it. But you can’t call this an ambition because I don’t do much to achieve it. I don’t do anything to achieve it.
I need to get a teaching job for the 2012 school year. I’ve been actively pursuing this, as I mentioned Day One
. But I hesitate to call this an ambition because I really don’t want to start teaching until Ava is in kindergarten, in 2015. However, I no longer have the luxury of being a SAHM because my certification will expire if I don’t get a contracted gig teaching English to 6-12th graders this coming year. So the job is a goal…but not one I feel passionate about.
I love the hell out of drama club, but that’s a current activity, and not something I’m worried about planning for or taking to another level.
I think my problem is, I’m too content to take what comes and run with it. I’m not looking ahead, making choices I’m enthused about, and striving to achieve them. I’m being passive.
If this writing thing is more than a romanticized day dream, I need to backcast
that mama effer and own it. If I can’t find a passion and drive to chase it, I need to let it go and look elsewhere for fulfillment & identity.